Skinny
by Alessa00
Summary: Katniss Everdeen is a depressed young girl, who starves herself to be skinny. She has no friends, her parent's don't even know that she is depressed. What happens when she meets bad boy Peeta Mellark. Will Peeta help her, or make things worse? After all he is a bad bad boy.
1. Chapter 1

Katniss was just a little girl. She was nine years old, she had a lot of friends at her neighborhood, and she had one friend at school. That friend was called Madge.

She was skinny, because she was always running outside with her friends, she wasn't really at home that often actually. She went to school, she did her homework and then she was outside playing with her four friends that she had. She was happy, her family wasn't rich but they had enough money for a big house and a car, they had enough money for food. Her parent's loved her, and she loved them.

But the liked to drink a lot.

Sometimes they would fight, because they were so drunk.

That usually only happened on weekends.

Katniss loved weekends, because she got to be out with her friends, and she didn't have to go to school. But she found herself getting scared of weekends, because she knew that her parents would fight, and it was terrible. She was always scared, sometimes yelling for them to stop.

One time the fight got really bad, and her dad threw a glass to the floor yelling.

When her mother picked the glass up she got cut, and there was blood everywhere. It looked as if something more serious had happened due to the amount of blood, but it was only a small cut on her mothers finger.

Her mother called the police to get her husband away, since he started to get a little, very little but still, violent.

Katniss was yelling and crying because she was so scared.

The police saw the crying little girl, and they took her father to the back of the police car.

When the police left her mother started sobbing and yelling "I want my husband back." when she just called the police herself to come and get him.

Two days later, they called Katniss and her mother to a social office to talk about what had happened.

After a while, they asked her mother if she could leave the room so that the social worker could speak with the child alone.

"So darling, have you ever heard of a children's home?" The woman asked Katniss nicely.

But Katniss understood. It was something she had seen in movies, or it was just something inside of herself, she doesn't even know, but something made her understand what the woman meant by asking that question.

They were going to take her away. Away from home.

"No, please no. Please." Katniss found herself sobbing.

"Honey, shh. It's for the best, please understand." The woman said.

"Please, don't do this." Katniss begged.

Even when Katniss had six, seven years, she never let herself cry publicly.

Sure, if she would hurt herself playing she would cry at home in her mothers arms. But she would swallow the tears until she was at home. Even when she was just seven years old.

But now, being ten years old she found herself sobbing in this room, in front of this strange woman.

The social worker tried to make Katniss understand.

"There is nothing that I can do, it's the law, and it's for your best honey." she would say.

After a while of talking and when Katniss calmed down a little by realizing that the place she was going was not like in the movies where they would hit the children or starve them, like in the horror movie she remembered watching, the woman asked if she could call her mother back inside.

Katniss could only nod her head.

But it was when her mother came back, not yet knowing what the woman has just told Katniss, not yet knowing that they were taking her away, seeing her mother walking back inside the room giving Katniss a warm and sweet smile that broke Katniss.

She started sobbing again.

"What is wrong honey?" her mother asked concerned.

"Miss Everdeen, Katniss is going to be leaving to a children's home, and if things get better after a while, she can go back home." The social worker said.

It was Katniss's mothers turn to start crying now.

After a lot of tears, from the mother and from the child, it was time to take Katniss away.

Her mother had to go to the court order of her husband.

Katniss hugged her mother one last time.

"It will be okay honey. Don't worry. You will be back." her mother whispered once more.

A social worker was taking Katniss to the house.

They were sitting in a taxi, Katniss's face stained from the tears.

When they got to the house it was beautiful.

The social worker showed her the house.

"This is the kitchen, this is the play room, and here are the rooms, there is a lock if you want to lock the door, but the workers have a key to open the door."

She just looked at the house with wide eyes.

She met the workers, and the other kids. She was the youngest in the house. Katniss went to her room after the woman left, sat on the edge of the bed, her bed, and then thought what am I going to do now?

That night she got to call her mom, and she told her with a happy voice "everything is fine."

she liked it here. It was fun to have new friends.

But that night, when she went to sleep, she cried so much, that she couldn't breath. She cried for hours, she missed her mother, she felt alone, she was scared.

Until she fell asleep, after two hours of crying.

Her mom visited her as often as possible, every time she had to leave both would have tears in their eyes.

Everyday Katniss was hoping that she could go home.

There was crazy boy in that house, about fifteen years old. His name was Cato.

He would always be flirting with the ten year old Katniss.

One time he even grabbed Katniss's ass.

She pulled his hand away, angry, but didn't say anything to anyone, too embarrassed and scared to say anything.

She was scared of Cato, and hated him.

That is until she found out that Cato was here because his father used to hit him in the head with a baseball bat.

She stopped hating him, but she was still scared of him, and didn't like him.

Once Cato was really teasing her, and she went to her room, and locked the door.

Cato kept knocking on her door, almost tearing the door down, Katniss sitting in her bed starring at the door with wide eyes scared.

Until Cato gave up and stopped.

She was going to school, but from school she had to go straight back to the house. Like a jail.

She could never be outside.

One month. She was in that terrible house for one month.

Until they let her go back home after a meeting with her mother.

When she found out she screamed out of happiness.

She packed her bags, filled with the clothes that her mother had brought and the clothes that these people had bought her.

She felt free.

"Why did they let me go, mommy?" katniss asked happily.

"They said that you are a very polite little girl. And I stepped in, and said that she is a very polite and nice girl, because she was raised by me, that has made a lot of mistakes, but that has always told her what is good, and bad ways to act, and always showed her love, always taken care of her. After a while of talking they said that you can go home."

When Katniss got home, she felt weird, like she hadn't been here in years.

Her friends hugged her and asked her where had she been, Katniss only said that she was in another country with her aunt.

But everything changed after that.

Katniss had a crush on a boy called Gale. He would always be following Madge and Katniss around at school, and the girls would always run away giggling.

Katniss was his neighbor. And Gale would also follow her there, when she was with her friends.

Katniss had the biggest crush on him.

One day Madge ran to school happy to tell Katniss that Gale and her were now together.

Katniss was jealous that Madge had a boyfriend, and that she got to be with Gale.

One time Katniss was playing with Madge's phone when she was in Madge's house and Madge gave her permission.

She saw a new message from Gale, and opened it.

_Yeah, I knew that all of the girls, that always ran away from me had a crush on me. Well every girl but Katniss. _

She kept reading the message over and over again. If Gale would only know.

But she understood. Katniss was always rolling her eyes at everything he said, always walking away when he even came close to her. She wanted him to chase her, to catch her. Even when she was just ten years old, already she was playing hard to get, wanted to get chased, never wanting him to know that she liked him. But he didn't chase.

That was the first time she felt like Madge was better than her.

Katniss was always a little bit weird.

When she had a cut on her knee, or in her finger, she liked to press the cut, so that she would feel the pain. Not because she was sad, but because she thought it felt good. She didn't press too hard, but a little, feeling the pain in her toes, liking it.

One time she was playing with her friend when she asked Katniss why there was a police car one day in front of her house, and why did they take her father away.

Katniss didn't respond.

"My parents say that they know why. I asked them and they said that when I'm older like eighteen, if I still want to know they will tell me. So what is it?" The girl asked Katniss.

But Katniss felt sick.

And she just ran back home.

A couple of months passed, and Katniss's family had no money left. After everything, after the children's house, and the court, they lost all of their money.

The gave the car away, and now, they had to move to a smaller house somewhere far away.

Katniss remembered the night before she was moving.

She and her friends were outside playing for one last time. Katniss kept wishing that Gale would say something to her, anything, now that he and Madge were not together anymore.

But he didn't say anything.

Katniss can still remember when she got on that truck that they rented to move.

When she looked at her old house, where she had grown up at, filled with so many sad memories, and so many happy ones.

Her friends were standing behind the car, waving at Katniss. One of her friends even cried.

She remembered sitting in the car looking at her friends for one last time, feeling happy for a new beginning, but mostly feeling sad for leaving her old home, and her friends.

"There is a school right next to our house. You will make so many friends, and you will be with them at school and at home. You will love the new apartment Katniss." her mother had said.

"I hope so." Katniss said.

"What if your friends will forget about you, and stop talking to you now that you moved?" her mother teased, knowing that she was so close to her friends, they would never do that.

"No, they won't. I just know." Katniss said, meaning every word.

Little did they know. Little did they know that just that night, when the car started to move, and she waved her last wave at her friends, that everything would change. That everything would brake for Katniss.

That she was going to grow up in that new house, but that she would be leaving dead.

In a depression, and in a loneliness, that at that moment the little girl named Katniss Everdeen sitting in the car smiling, could have never pictured it.


	2. Chapter 2

I was starring at myself in the mirror, not liking what I saw.

I looked fat, and ugly. Disgusting.

I want to stop eating, I want to see my bones.

Ever since we moved to this house six years ago I have had no social life. That caused for my social skills to be shitty and terrible. I'm an awkward person, and I can't talk to people. My mom says that I'm shy.

I'm not shy. I just don't know how to talk.

When I was smaller, I ate chips, and chocolate, and never burnt the calories because of not having friends and because of being stupid. So now at sixteen years I am obese.

But not for long.

I started skipping meals and swallowing cotton having days that I didn't eat anything.

It was hard when I had my mom here the whole time, cooking me dinner and asking me what I wanted for lunch.

But I was a damn good liar. I knew how to play my game.

With saying that I felt too sick to eat, and with saying that I ate a lot in school, and that I wasn't hungry, things got easier.

But there are days when I find myself eating again.

Those days a slice my skin open with my nails, for eating lunch.

I lost all of my friends, because they stopped talking with me.

It started with them saying "Somebody was about to buy your old house. I wanted to kick them out and yell that it's your house."

Then they said "I really want you to come back, but I also want Clove to stay." Clove was the new girl living in my house.

And with them sharing pictures together on facebook, always hanging out together, always too busy to even talk with me.

One day I was so angry at them, when they started calling me names, and talking shit about me.

I deleted them on my facebook, on my phone, everywhere.

I walked away from them.

And since that I haven't had friends.

At all.

I found myself crying once in a corner, without really any reason.

At school I was always standing alone, sitting alone, I started skipping lunch there first because I had no place to sit at, then because I just stopped eating.

The worst part is that I kept fantasizing about G_ale_.

That he would love me. That he would come here one day, to tell me that he always loved me.

But one day I realized that I never had a crush on him.

That I thought that I liked him, because I was just a little girl, never getting attention from boys. To me it was a big thing, and I thought that I wanted to be with him.

That happened at school once.

I thought I had a crush on this boy, but I didn't want him to talk to me, nor did I think about him outside from school.

I have never been kissed, and I have never had any attention from boys. I don't blame them. But I also know that boys are jerks. And I don't want them o give me any attention.

I wiped my tears away and went back to bed, crying myself to sleep.

Nobody ever has noticed my depression.

My mom and dad know that I lost my friends, and they love me, but not even once they have asked me how I'm doing, even if they know that I lost them.

They just keep telling me that I have to do this, and that, and if I say anything back, to defend myself, they say that I am disrespectful and that I have to go to my room.

When I was fourteen and fifteen, I always asked them to take me to places, like golfing, or bowling. Or to just take me to the park with them. To go outside.

But they started saying that I need to get friends to go out with. That they can't take me everywhere like a little kid all the time.

"You need to get friends Katniss. You are not a little baby anymore" My mom says.

I stopped asking.

I cried myself to sleep, feeling hungry since the last time I ate was two days ago.

But i wasn't going to eat.

No.

I was going to be _skinny._

Skinny.

To show all of the stupid bitches that called me _fat. _To make their jaws drop.


	3. Chapter 3

I was walking to class when it started.

"Hi Catpiss Neverclean. How was your summer?" Glimmer said with a sweet voice, but with a mean smirk.

Glimmer is a tall, skinny girl. She has blonde hair, and pretty much every guy wants to be with her. She is beautiful, and confident. Sexy, and she knows it. She has curves just in the right places, and is in the "popular" group.

"Just fine thank you." I said giving her a sweet smile.

I won't let them get to me. I won't.

"Got a lot of attention from guys this time? I bet you were just sleeping the whole summer, not even leaving your room."

Everyone knows that I don't get any male attention. But I'm used to it.

"Well, darling." I started.

"If it wasn't for sex, you would be useless." I said still smiling.

"Fuck you Catpiss. You know, your probably just going to die alone in a cold bed, without having anyone giving a fuck about you. Your slut of a mom won't even notice, and you will never even get a kiss. Let alone marry anyone, to remember you. That's at least what I hope. You will be alone forev.."

I slapped her right in the face.

I could feel tears forming in my eyes.

"You can talk shit about me just as much as you want. You can call me Catpiss, if you want. I don't give a fuck about what you or your stupid friends think about me. But you better close that mouth, if you start talking about my family. Or I'll make you shut up. You stepped over the fucking line Glimmer. It's another thing to make my life a living hell here, in these hallways. But when you hope for someone to die alone, for someone to really suffer that much. When you don't even know me. You have something wrong in your head Glimmer. Really."

"You stupid slut." I could hear Glimmer yell but I was already running out of the door.

My cheeks where filled with tears, and I just ran back home.

"What are you doing in here? You should be at school! Off you go." My mother yelled at me.

"Mom, I.. don't feel that well. Can I stay for today?"

"Of course not! You have school young lady, and I have guests coming over soon."

I knew what she meant with "guests"

Since she and my father divorced she always brings guys over that she fucks.

"I can't believe you? Again?" I asked annoyed.

"Yes. Now go back to school. Clearly you are fine. Goodbye." She said pushing me out of the door.

The worst part is that Glimmer is right. Nobody, cares about me.

And I'm going to die alone.

And the pain is indescribable.

I walked back to school, not carrying about seeing Glimmer anymore, or being late.

I took a deep breath in and knocked on my class door.

I had history.

Great.

"You are late." was the first thing the teacher said.

Shocking.

Well, you can be partners with the new boy. You have to work together and make an essay of twelve pages.

Oh, even greater.

I walked up to the new boy, and I locked eyes with blue beautiful ones.

He had blond curly hair, and the sweetest smile.

Damn, he was good looking.

"I'm Peeta." he said smiling.

"I'm..not good at history." I said back. I can't tell him my name. No. If I do that he will just start bullying me too. The whole school hates me, because Glimmer and her group has basically told everyone that they are not allowed to be my friends.

Or they will bully them too.

Make their lives a living hell too.

Lie to the teachers about them too.

"Oh, it's okay. I'm not that great either." he said.

I nodded my head, not wanting to say anything else.

"Would you want to grab some coffee after school sometime? You could tell me something about the school, and show me.. I mean I know this sounds weird, but I would like to get to know you. if that's okay?"

"No!" I nearly screamed.

"I mean, sorry. I.. are you sure you want to be seen with me? "

"What? Yeah, I mean.. I don't understand your question."

"Sure. I can grab a cup of coffee." I said smiling.

When class ended I was the first one to leave the class room.

It was lunch time, and I was going to go to the library to listen to some music, like always.

After my next class started I saw Peeta sitting alone, so I was going to sit next to him, hoping to make one new friend, when I saw Marvel sit next to him. Glimmer's boyfriend.

"Well, look who we have here Peeta. This is Catpiss Neverclean. The girl I was talking to you about." Marvel said laughing.

Fuck me.

But Peeta laughed with him.

"Yeah, it's not nice to meet you Catpiss." Peeta said.

Marvel laughed again.

And so did some other kids in the classroom.

"Fuck you Peeta. And you Marvel, should go take a look at your slutty girlfriend. Wouldn't be surprised if she was fucking someone right now, in the closet or in an empty classroom." I said as coldly as I could.

"Something you will never do." Peeta said.

"Damn right. I'm not a fucking slut." I said.

"No. You just don't get any boy hard, because you are so fucking disgusting." Marvel said.

And then they were laughing again.

I flipped them off, and sat down on an empty chair, as far away from them as I could.

When I looked back, I saw Marvel give Peeta a high five.

I can't wait to get home to pick up a knife and cut my wrist.

Two, for what Glimmer said. Three for my mom, probably fucking some disgusting dude, right now. Two for Peeta acting nice. Two for him acting mean. And three for being disgusting, like Marvel said.

It's the only way that I can be okay.

It's the only thing that keeps me sane.

My mind from not going mad completely.

I looked back once more and saw Peeta starring at me. His eyes were guilty.

But I didn't give a fuck.

So I quickly looked away.

That's one more cut.


	4. Chapter 4

"I can't believe you Katniss. Your just.. such a fucking disappointment of a daughter. Hitting the nice girl Glimmer? Why on earth would you do that? She is always so nice to us, and you just hit her for no reason? For jealousy? You are so fucking stupid Katniss."

Those were the first things my mom said to me when I got home.

"I hit her, because she was talking shit about you, and saying things like I'm going to die alone, in a cold bed." I said.

"I don't believe you! She would never say anything like that. But if she did, I don't blame her. You probably will die alone. You never make any new friends at school. You have no social life. You used to always ask your father and me to take you somewhere when all of your classmates where out together. You always were such a burden. Now your always here at home, in the middle of everything, you don't give me any peace at all. You don't even have a life. You can't hit Glimmer just because she told you the truth."

"You know what mom? I'm done."

I walked up to my room, slamming the door behind me.

"Don't you dare slam the door like that! Or talk to me like that!"

She came after me.

I could hear her footsteps getting closer.

She opened the door and pulled on my braid.

She hit me in the head, hard.

"You do not disobey me young lady! You are a piece of trash."

She hit me in the head again, not so hard, but I could feel it.

"I'm going out. I need a drink. And some free time from you. I might not come back for the night. There is some food in the fridge."

She said with a cold voice, and then she was gone.

"When did we get here?" I whispered to myself.

I remember when I was a little girl in my old house. How much I loved this woman. How much I cried when I was in the children's home. But then we moved. I lost all of my friends. My social skills. My mom and dad broke up when I was thirteen. When I was fourteen my mom started to bring these guys over. But never had she left just like that, in the middle of the night, saying that she would probably not come back for the whole night. Never had she spoke to me like that.

I loved her so much.

When I was twelve, I started to swallow my tears.

I couldn't cry in front of anyone.

I would always lock myself in my room before I would let the tears roll down my cheeks.

I shut myself out of the world.

When my sister Primrose died at the age of 2 I was thirteen. My mom changed that day so much. She would never be this cold, but she was different. My mom and my dad, could't take her death. That's why they got a divorce.

I heard my mom whisper once a couple of days after Prim's death to my dad something like this. "How can _katniss" _she said my name like it was trash. "be so heartless. She didn't even cry when her sister died."

But they don't know how much I cried alone in my room. In my bed.

Without having anyone to console me.

I know it was my fault, for not showing them.

But I couldn't cry in front of them. I just couldn't. In front of anyone. I built up a wall. No one could brake it.

Once when I was fifteen I had a really bad school day, due to the bullying.

I was crying in my room, when my mom saw me.

"Oh grow up." she said.

I was so embarrassed.

That night was the first night I cut my wrist open.

For being so weak.

And it felt so good.

I wiped my tears away.

I got up and got a knife.

I cut new scars on my arm feeling so much happier.

Then I went back to bed, and cried myself to sleep.

I couldn't breathe.

I kept whispering to myself.

"Never be good enough. Everything I do, it will never be good enough. I will never be good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough."

I kept whispering and crying for what seemed like hours, when I finally fell asleep.

My last thought was that maybe I should just end this madness. And just be free.

Jump off a cliff, cut myself till I would loose too much blood, drown myself, anything, to kill myself.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I walked to the history classroom, my heart thumping in my ears, because I knew I would have to face Peeta.

When I got there, I didn't see him, so I just sat down on my regular seat.

He didn't show up at all, so I just worked on the essay alone.

When the class ended I was walking to my lockers when I saw him.

He was making out with a blonde chick against my locker.

"Ahem." I said.

They ignored me.

"Yeah, can you two please go the fuck away from my locker, I need to get my books." I said annoyed.

Peeta lifted one finger as if to say "one minute."

But they just kept making out non stop.

"Move. The. Fuck. Away. Now." I said with an angry voice.

The girl pulled away laughing.

Fuck me.

It's Glimmer.

"How did your mommy take the news Catpiss?" She said laughing.

"Fuck you Glimmer." I said trough gritted teeth.

"What if I don't feel like moving huh? Peeta is such a good kisser, and I don't want to move so." and with that they started to make out again.

"Yeah, I think we're fine right here." Peeta said now.

"Fine." I said pulling out my phone.

I took a short video of them.

"What you gonna get off with that or..?" Peeta said.

"No. But I do think that Marvel would enjoy seeing this. Right Glimmer?" I said smirking.

"NO!" she screamed.

"Take that off Katniss." she said.

"What if I don't feel like deleting it?" I said with a mocking tone.

"Come on Katniss! I'm sorry okay!"

I deleted the video in front of her.

"Because I'm not a mean bitch." I said.

"Now I have to get my books." and then I opened my locker, Glimmer walking away, but I could feel Peeta's eyes on my back.

"I um, wanted to apologi.." Peeta started.

"Save it Peeta." I said closing my locker and walking away.

"Wait." he yelled after me.

But I didn't stop.

He ran after me.

He pulled my arm right were I had cut yesterday.

I made a weird sound because of the pain.

"What?" he asked me.

"Let me go." I said.

"No."

He pulled me to the bathroom and locked the door.

"What is your problem? Let me go. I have nothing to say to you Peeta."

"I'm sorry. I just..I finally had a new chance to make friends, and I didn't know that they were talking about you until.. I'm sorry."

"Why are we here Peeta? Huh? Because you don't want to be seen with me? You know what. I'm done. You are a fucking idiot. Leave me the fuck alone. Don't even dare to talk to me."

"Katniss, wait."

"Stop Peeta. Go be with your friends. I don't care anymore. You won't have to look at me for much longer"

And then I walked away from him.


	5. Chapter 5

I finally got trough that terrible and long school day.

When I got home my mom still hadn't come back since she left yesterday.

I felt tired and sad. I was done with Glimmer. With Peeta. With school, and with my mom.

I hadn't eaten in three days, and I was starving.

But when I looked into the mirror, I wasn't hungry anymore.

I meant it when I said that Peeta doesn't have to look at me for long anymore.

I have made a decision. I was going to kill myself.

And I wasn't going to waste any more time.

I got my knife, and pressed it against my neck.

One smooth, deep and fast cut can do it.

One more cut.

Like all the other cuts in my arm.

One second, is all it takes. One move.

And then comes freedom.

Happiness.

I was just about to cut my throat open, when something inside me woke up.

"NO, Katniss what are you doing!" I yelled at myself.

I threw the knife as far away from me as I could.

I'm sick.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's Saturday so I can sleep as much as I want to, witch meant that I was going to be in bed for the whole day. And that was more than fine for me.

But my mom was still not back.

I tried calling her yesterday, and she didn't answer. I was starting to really get worried.

There was a knock on my door and I ran to the door hoping it was her.

But instead I was met with blue eyes.

"How do you know where I live Peeta?" I asked sighing.

"That doesn't matter. But I need to talk to you."

"I have nothing to say t.."

"Damn it Katniss, would you at least let me speak, this one time?" Peeta said, clearly annoyed.

"Ugh. Fine. Come in. You have ten minutes."

He came inside and I closed the door. I took a deep breath and walked to the living room.

"Listen, like I said, I'm really sorry. I just wanted to have friends this one time, in this one school, and I wasn't going to let anything stop me. But i can't do this. I want to get to know you Katniss. I like you, and I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Just answer this Peeta. You are ashamed of me, real or not real?"

"Not real, Katniss."

"Stop lying! I won't forgive you if you don't stop lying." I said.

"I'm really not Katniss. I just wanted to fit in with them."

He stepped closer our faces really, really close.

"Do you want a glass of water? It's so hot in here." I said panicking, walking to the kitchen as quickly as possible.

"Uhh, okay." Peeta said.

I brought him his water, and threw my sweater to the couch, now only wearing my black tank top.

I drank the water in one go, and when I pulled the glass away from my face I realized that Peeta was starring at me with wide eyes.

"What is it now?" I started.

"You..You..Katniss. Did you make those.._cuts?" _He said swallowing loudly.

I looked at my bare arms almost having a panic attack.

Fuck. My. Life.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, lie, make something up, when the front door opened and then somebody slammed the door shut.

"Where the fuck are you Katniss? I need to talk to you" A drunk woman's voice, that I recognised as my mothers, echo'd loudly in the silent house.

I pulled the sweater back on, and ran to the door.

"Oh, mom" I started but she grabbed me by my arm and pressed my face hard, so hard I think I'm going to have bruises

"You stupid bitch. It's all your fault. It's all your fault. We would have so much money, everything, would be fine if it wasn't for you and that children's home. You were always a fucking burden, you fucki.."

"What is going on?" I flinched as I remembered that Peeta was still here.

"You brought boys over huh? When I was out you fucking brought boys over to fuck you slut!" my mom was screaming now.

"Let her go." peeta said.

"Peeta get the fuck out of my house. Now." I needed to be mean. I needed to get him out. He basically found out about everything just like that. That I cut, that my mom is drunk, that calls me a slut, and apparently acts violent now, and that I was in a children's home.

He needs to leave.

"No, I need to.." Peeta started but i stopped him.

"Get out now Peeta. Or i swear you'll regret it."

I pushed him out of the door and slammed the door on his face.

And then I let my drunk mom hit me for a long time, until I was sure I was going to be filled with bruises. I let her abuse me physically for the first time. Nothing mattered anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

"Yes, we are having this party, and I was wondering if you would want to come with us?" Monique a tall beautiful girl, with long black hair, and with a very skinny but curvy body, getting a lot of attention from boys asked me at class.

I was surprised to say the least.

I had never spoken to her, but I know that she is nice. But she has her own friends, and she may not be on of the "careers" the popular kids, but she is very known, and has tons of friends.

I always wanted to have friends. Since I was fourteen I always tried to speak, to laugh at things that I didn't even find funny, just because the others were laughing, I tried. I really did.

But after two years of trying, I just gave up and stopped caring.

I was used to being alone, and enjoyed it now. Sure I had days that I would see a group of friends, and wonder what my life would be like if things were different. I could maybe, just maybe be happy.

But the biggest reason that I wanted friends was because I wanted to make my mother proud. So that she would stop saying that there is something wrong with me, and that I was weird. That I didn't fit in.

But I stopped caring about what she thought about me a long time ago. Hell, I stopped caring about what I needed and wanted myself.

"Uh, yeah okay." I said, trying to sound nice.

Maybe this could work. Maybe I could finally have friends.

"Great! See you later." Monique said smiling.

She told me the address and the time, and told me to meet her there.

Yeah. Maybe it really could work.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Ugh. Nothing. I have nothing to wear." I mumbled to myself.

I looked fat in everything. Sure, I had lost a lot of weight by now, but I wasn't happy. I still looked fat in my eyes. I took a dress that made me look a little bit skinnier still not being satisfied, but realizing that I didn't have anything else.

I put on some makeup and opened my braid. My hair was long and brown, and in waves.

I had to admit that if i was skinnier I would look pretty good.

But to my eyes I wasn't skinny.

So I didn't look good. At all.

"And where are you going?" my mother asked, drunk again.

"To a party." I said, giving her a fake smile.

"Oh, good. I can finally say that my daughter is normal. Well, for this one night at least."

"I have to go." I said back.

I took my bag, and walked to Monique's house.

I knocked on the door, and I could hear the loud music.

"Hahaaa..Oh my god. She actually came."

I looked up, and there they were, in the balcony, Monique, Marvel and some other people laughing.

"What?" I asked swallowing loudly.

"You still don't get it do you? You are worth nothing, and no one will ever want you. Ever. So get your ugly ass out of here." Marvel said.

"Surpriseee" Monique said, and then she threw ice cold, and I mean ice ice cold water on top of me.

"Get lost Katniss, ugly pathetic bitch." someone yelled.

I started running away.

As fast as I could.

I knew that Peeta lived next to the bakery.

And I really needed a hug.

I walked to his house, feeling really cold in my dress, and in this cold air, with the water that Monique threw on me.

I knocked on his door, my heart thumping in my ears.

He opened soon, and looked at me with wide eyes.

"Oh, Katniss what are y.."

I cut him off when I jumped on him, hugging him as hard as I could, not caring that I was getting him all wet, and I started to cry loudly on his shoulder.

"Shh..Katniss, what's wrong?" he asked gently hugging me tighter.

"I just needed a hug." I said in between sobs.

"Oh my god girls, it's fucking Catpiss." I heard Glimmer inside Peeta's house.

She pulled me away from Peeta really hard.

"Get the fuck out of here, no one wants you here. I see Monique's plan went well. Boy, I should have seen it. Too bad I was busy fucking with Peeta." She said.

"You knew?" I asked with a sad weak voice.

"Of course. Bitch deserves it. Now leave, you don't belong here. Right Peeta?" Glimmer asked.

"I think you should leave Katniss. Yeah Glimmer." he answered.

Then he slammed the door in my face.

And I just stood there like an idiot.

But then I started to slowly walk away back home.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"You are back already? Fuck you Katniss. Get a fucking life please." My mother screamed at me, a strange man lying in the living room couch, naked, apparently blacked out.

My mom was wearing her morning coat, and drinking her booze.

"I'm done mom. This is disgusting. Tell your fucking disgusting man to cover himself. And I won't be sitting in that couch anymore. Not only because of that disgusting man and you, but also because I'm leaving town. I'm going to Uncle Haymitch."

"You don't talk to me like that. I told you already." She said with a calm voice.

She got up and pulled my arm, light up a cigarette, and then out of nowhere, she pressed it against my stomach.

I started screaming, pulling apart, but not getting my arm away from her hold.

"What the fuck mom? Let me go, take it off, it hurts!" I yelled.

She pulled the cigarette away only to press it again on another part of my stomach.

"Mom, stop." I was sobbing.

Her eyes were red. Not her eyes.

I looked at the table and saw some heroine on the table.

"Mom no" I said.

"Fucking slut." she said.

She pulled the cigarette away, and woke up the man.

"I want you to take care of her. Show her what it's like to be a real woman. I'm going to my room. Do what ever you want with her really." She said to the man.

"Mom. Mom no. Please. I'm begging you. No. Please mom." I was yelling after her, but she just walked away.

I looked behind me, and the man was getting closer.

I was about to run out of the front door, when he pulled my arm.

"Let's play little girl." the man, with also red eyes sad smiling at me.

He started to kiss my neck.

"Let me go. Let me go. Mom, help meee" I yelled trying to fight this man, that was too strong.

"Shut the fuck up." he said, and then he hit me in the head, so hard I could see black dots.

I could feel my nose starting to bleed.

"Please." I whispered.

"I think you need to relax little girl." he said.

He took the drug injection from the table and was about to press it on my arm.

But that's were I got a force inside me and I kicked him hard.

I heard a knock on the door, and ran as fast as I could to open the door, but the man got a hold of me right when my hand was on the nob.

I started screaming for my life, he was so close.

The drug was on his other hand, and he was trying to get my arm for him.

"Help me! Somebody help me!" I yelled against the door.

"What is going on? Open the door." I could hear Peeta behind the door.

"Peeta help me! Help me!" I yelled as hard as I could.

"Shut up, shut up you slut." the man yelled in my ear.

I kicked him again, turned around and quickly opened the door.

"Katniss what the hell?" Peeta said.

"Come back here you slut" the man yelled running towards me, with the drug injection still on his hand.

"Come on Katniss, we need to get the fuck out of here." Peeta yelled pulling on my arm.

We started running away from there as hard as we could, but my stomach hurt like hell due to the cigarette that my mom had pressed earlier, and my nose was still bleeding, due to the punch.

Peeta took me inside his house and locked the door.

He didn't say anything.

He just hugged me.

And cried, now on my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Katniss. I'm so sorry."

I didn't cry. I didn't hug him back.

I just stood there, with scared eyes, starring at the door, feeling so empty.

"Please, don't leave okay? Just..just stay here. Please." he begged me.

I nodded my head and pulled apart from him.

I walked away from him, to another room, that I guessed was his, since he lived alone.

I lied down on his king sized bed, and closed my eyes, without another word.

I let the tears slowly, quietly roll down my cheeks.

"I can sleep on the couch, okay Katniss?" Peeta asked with a gentle voice.

I could hear him walking away and closing the door leaving me in the dark.

"Wait. Peeta." I yelled.

"Yeah?" he quickly opened the door.

"Will you stay with me?" I asked with fear.

"Of course." he said walking up to me.

He took me in his arms and cuddled with me.

"Always." he said.


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up in Peeta's strong arms.

"Good morning Katniss." he softly said.

I didn't respond.

"How are you feeling?" he asked me.

Again, I didn't say anything. I just pulled myself away from his arms, and got up from the bed.

"You can trust me Katniss." Peeta said.

"I don't trust you." was the only thing that I could say. My voice sounded weak, and sad.

He was going to gently grab my hands, but I flinched and pulled them away.

"Don't." I said.

"Katniss, please. I want to help you."

"No." I answered.

Then I slowly walked out the front door, and started walking away from his house.

"Katniss, come back." I heard him yell.

But instead I started running as fast as I could.

"Katniss come back here, right now!" I could hear him.

Soon I just fell to my knees and started crying.

I was so hungry. And yet, I was so empty. I was so sad, and scared.

My mom is doing drugs, she hurt me. She left me with that man.

I closed my eyes and pictured my old mom.

All the times we laughed together. All the times she helped me with my homework, and all the times she would hold me when I cried. I could smell her own smell, and see her beautiful sweet blue eyes. I could hear her own voice, and I would feel so safe.

"Katniss, come here to cuddle with mommy" I could hear her voice so clearly. Like if I was that little girl again.

But I was brought back to reality by Peeta shaking me.

"Katniss let's go."

"No. I'm not going anywhere with you." I said coldly.

"I'm done with playing nice with you Katniss. So I'm going to ask you one last time, can you just make both our lives easier by coming with me now?"

"No Peeta. I don't need you. I don't want your help. You already showed me that you don't give a fuck about me. And I'm done."

"Alright then." he said.

He then threw me behind his back, and took me to his house again.

"Peeta, put me down." I said sighing.

It was so hard having him so close, so close that I could kiss him right there, having these weird feelings towards him, and knowing that he doesn't feel the same way back. To have him here with me, to be able to look at him, see every detail of his face, and know that he doesn't care.

And he keeps on breaking me more and more, when he acts nice and hugs me, because I know that it's not real. That he will just hurt me again. That it's all an act.

He put me down on his couch and sighed.

"Katniss, don't take this the wrong way. I don't want to offend you. But you have got to eat something. You weight nothing, and.. when is the last time you ate something?" he asked me.

"What? Please Peeta, don't talk to me about my body, trust me, it's the last thing I want to talk to you about right now."

"And why is that Katniss. Answer me, when is the last time you ate?"

"Okay. I didn't eat dinner yesterday, but I did eat lunch. So calm down please."

But I was lying. The last time I ate was almost a week ago.

"No. I never see you at lunch at school. I'm going to make you something to eat, and you will eat it. Understand me?" He demanded.

"No. You are no one to tell me what I can and can't do Peeta. I'm done. Why are you so mean to me, and then when we are alone, you try to take care of me? Well let me tell you something. I grew up taking care of myself. I had no one there when I cried alone. When I needed someone. And now, I don't need anyone anymore. I'm strong. Stronger than ever. I have always been alone, and I don't want your fake help. You know for a minute I thought that I finally met someone who would like me, who would care about me and who would not judge me. I thought that I finally met someone who wouldn't hate me. But that was just me being an idiot. Because if you really would care, you wouldn't try to destroy me." I said feeling my eyes getting wet, I was so close to start crying in front of him again.

I never let myself cry in front of anyone. Not even my own mother. And yet this would be the second time that he would see me cry. So I hid behind my walls, to make sure that that does not happen.

"I'm sorry. I just want to go to sleep. I'm going home." I said changing the subject.

"But..what?" Peeta said, looking at me with weird eyes.

"Peeta! I'm going home. God." I said with an angry voice.

"Are you sure? I mean you can't go home after what happened."

"Watch me. And don't you dare to come after me like a crazy asshole again. Because that's exactly what you are. You don't care who you hurt, or what you do. You always had everything you wanted, everything was just given to you when you wanted it. You fit in with others. You don't know what it's like to have this kind of a pain, where the only thing you can do is want to die, where you hate every inch of your body, every piece of your mind, this kind of pain, where everyone you know only hurt you. When there is no one in this whole world who cares, and no one who loves you. Not even yourself. You don't feel this pain, and I am trying to be strong. But I can't do this anymore. It hurts so fucking much, and I feel like I'm losing my mind, literally, I find myself doing crazy things, I find my mind lost sometimes, I don't remember how I get into some places sometimes, or I just find myself starring at the wall for hours. No Peeta, I didn't eat anything yesterday, I haven't had any food now for nearly a week, and you know what else? I'm not planning on eating anytime soon, so the only thing that you could do, if you want to at least be nice to me, is to leave me the fuck alone. Goodbye."

And then I just walked away, leaving him stunned.

Maybe now, just maybe he could leave me alone.

When I got home I saw my dad standing outside our house. My dad, who i haven't seen in years, since he just left us, without saying much else, a while after Primrose's death, was now standing here. I was surprised, to say the least. But then I saw the police cars and the ambulance.

"What the fuck is going on?" I yelled.

"Katniss, honey." My dad, Charlie said pulling me in for a hug.

"Don't touch me, _Charlie_." I said coldly pushing him away.

"What is going on?" I asked again.

"Your mother, took an overdose of drugs. She tried to kill herself. And she called me. Told me to take care of you, and told me that she has been.. hurting you violently. And that that's why she is killing herself." My dad said.

"What?! Where is she? Where is mom?" I asked panicking.

"She's was just taken to the hospital. She is alive, but fighting for her life."

I crashed.

Literally.

To the ground.

Someone's hands were on my back.

But they were not my dads.

I looked up and saw Peeta standing there, holding me.

"What are you doing here." I asked with a voice, that didn't even sound like mine.

"I promised you. I'll stay. Always. Because there is someone who cares about you. And that's me. So as much as you want me to leave you alone. I won't. Ever.

My dad didn't say anything. He just looked at Peeta. With a look that said something like "Thank you"

I feel like throwing up.


	8. Chapter 8

I never got to say goodbye.

Two days after I first heard that my mother tried to kill herself, she died.

I never got to tell her that I love her. And I didn't get to hear "I love you" from her either.

I have cried.

For three weeks now.

I live with my dad and with his slutty wife now.

And I hate it.

I haven't gone to school after her death yet.

I haven't even seen Peeta.

Not that that matters anyway.

I was locked in my room for two weeks.

Yesterday I went for a walk.

And passed out in the woods.

Because of the stress, the pain, and the lack of energy.

I can't sleep. I don't eat.

I barely even drink water now.

My dad was nice at first.

Nice. Not like he really cared, he was just nice.

But then his wife said something about me to him, and ever since, he has been acting cold and distant with me.

Not that it matters either.

I have school tomorrow.

I have to go back to reality.

I was starring at the walls again, just sitting in my bed, starring at the wall, not crying, just sitting.

I was skin and bones, and I knew it.

But I wasn't hungry. I couldn't eat.

I was used to hunger.

And now that I have lost everything, I want to at least remain skinny.

So I wasn't going to eat.

My dad stopped trying to make me eat.

I could die right now, and no one would notice.

No one would care.

No one would miss me.

I could be free.

If my mother got to be free, why can't I?

It's not fair.

It's really not fair.

And it's really painful.

"Did you hear me? You have to shower and get yourself ready, You have school tomorrow. And you should eat something. I don't want you to get an attack in school or something, and ruin me and Charlie's plans. We will finally have time for each other, now that you finally leave the house for awhile. Go on, get to work, you have sat and cried enough already." His wife said to me.

I didn't move.

I just sat there for hours.

Until, I finally got my ass up and showered.

I packed my bag and went back to sleep, not even brushing my hair.

I realized then that I was shaking like crazy and that I couldn't breath.

It was the same kind of pain that I felt when I was taken to the children's home.

Memories filled my mind of a little version of me shaking alone in a strange house, alone, crying for my sweet mother to come back.

And the sixteen years old version of me was shaking again, barely breathing.

Crying for my dead mother to come back.

"Please come back to me." I whispered to myself.

But she was never going to come back now.

It's too late.

Then slowly, just like in the children's home, I slowly drifted off to sleep, my eyes swollen and the tears were still dripping sore.

I dreamed of my mother and me playing together.

I dreamed of me and my father laughing.

I dreamed of my old friends, the little girl that I was, playing outside, running, laughing, yelling.

I dreamed of my mother's sweet voice and my dad's jokes.

But then the image changed.

My mother was bleeding, my father was yelling, my friends were calling me names, and laughing at me, my mother was hitting me, and then I was cutting my skin open with my nails, and crying. I looked like a mess. I wasn't a little girl anymore.

Then I was running in the hallways of the hospital, and saw my dead mother, pale, and empty.

I woke up screaming, tears still rolling down my cheeks.

I have school in one hour, so I had to get up.

I changed, braided my messy hair, and then I did the only thing that I was good at. The only thing, that made me strong and made me ready for the school day.

I took my knife, that I held in my closet.

I slowly, enjoying the feeling teased myself, with putting the knife close to my arm.

I pressed it, but didn't cut yet.

I then pressed it deep, deep, so deep, and so slowly, but really quickly sliced a hole in my arm.

I enjoyed the pain, and the dripping cold, warm, red, so deeply red blood, dripping down my arm.

I wrote something.

I found myself making letters.

When I finally ended it, the knife was filled with blood, as was the floor and my arm.

I looked at my arm, studying it.

It was automatic.

I didn't really think about what I wrote.

But when I looked at my arm it said with red blood.

"Always"

Then I cleaned the floor, and put the knife back.

And I walked to school.

The cold breeze hit me suddenly.

I didn't know that it was going to be a cold day I thought to myself.

Like just another normal teenager, walking with all these people.

They think that I'm normal, when they see me walking in the streets.

Just another girl.

But they don't know of the monster that lives inside my mind, eating my body, and my sanity.

Killing me.

Hurting me.

Starving me.

Cutting me.

Hitting me.

Killing me.

Always.

Always just hurting me.


	9. Chapter 9

I walked to my locker, and looked around the school.

It has actually been a couple of weeks that I have been gone, so I am behind with my studies, but right now I didn't even care.

When I got to class, I got some dirty looks, but no one said anything, and I didn't see Glimmer, Monique, Marvel, or Peeta.

So far so good.

I started to feel really sick, and really really weak.

I decided to go and eat lunch, since the last time I ate was two weeks ago, and it was only a piece of bread and a couple of bites of salad and only because my dad had insisted.

So at lunch time I bought myself a sandwich and then I sat down and quietly chewed on it.

"Well well, look at that. Katniss Everdeen, in school, eating lunch? Hah, what the actual fuck. Heard you have been starving yourself because you finally understood how disgusting you were. But looks like your eating again, can't wait to see you all fat and disgusting again. Pathetic."

Glimmer said, laughing with her slut army.

So I just got up, took the sandwich and threw it to the garbage.

"Don't worry about that Glimmer. Your right. I'm pathetic. But thanks to you, I woke up. I won't be fat again. I can promise you that. So really, you just helped me."

"Whoa whoa whoa, what is going on here?" I heard Peeta coming our way.

"Oh Peeta." Glimmer said with a mean smirk.

"Why did you throw your food away?" Peeta asked ignoring Glimmer.

"I'm not hungry anymore. Now, I have to get to class."

And then I was turning around to leave, when he grabbed my arm.

But it wasn't until I was screaming in pain, that I realized he grabbed my arm filled with today's fresh deep cuts.

He pulled his arm away quickly, with an understanding face.

"What are you doing Peeta." I hissed.

"yeah, what are you doing Peeta?" Glimmer asked.

"I..Katniss, let's go." he said.

"What where? Peeta. You don't want to go anywhere with Catpiss? Do you?" Glimmer warned.

"She's right Peeta. You don't" I warned as well.

He was going to do it again. Laugh in my face. Call me names. I saw it in his eyes. He was about to do it.

But then his face changed.

"No. I mean yes. I do. Glimmer, yes I do want to go with _Katniss_. Her name is not Catpiss. And I don't give a fuck anymore. Do what you want to do Glimmer, go tell her. I don't care anymore. I'm not going to hurt Katniss just because of what my mom does. So go. Tell her. I'm not doing it again."

I was confused.

I looked at Peeta, and then at Glimmer, she was starring at me with an angry face, then back at Peeta who was looking at me with a sweet face.

"I uhh.." I mumbled awkwardly.

No one. Had ever. Ever. Defended me before.

"Fine. Don't yell at me when she throws you out of the house Peeta." Glimmer said through gritted teeth.

Then she gave me one last bitchy look, before she walked away.

"What the hell was that? What does your mom have any.."

"Katniss, we need to talk." he said gently.

"O-okay." I said shyly.

"But fist your eating something with me. And I don't want to hear anything about this. You will eat. And we will talk. Okay?" he asked.

"Fine." I said slowly.

"Good." he was smiling now.

And surprisingly so was I.

My first smile, since my mothers death.

What the fuck was Peeta doing to me.


	10. Chapter 10

"I'm already behind with school, and you still drag me out of there." I said to Peeta as we were walking somewhere, I had no clue where.

"Like I said, I really need to talk to you. About a lot of things actually." Peeta said.

"Okay. So where are we going?" I asked slowly.

"To the hob. It's my favorite restaurant, and it's really peaceful there, so we can talk after eating lunch."

"I don't really know if I wan.." I started to protest.

"Katniss, please? You promised me. You just.._Katniss you're dying for crying out loud_. Please."

"Fine." I said, melting on those blue eyes.

When we got there, he ordered my food, and I didn't even know what he ordered, but I ate it.

And I swear that I could see his eyes light up, and his lips curl into a smile, when I finished my food.

"Stop starring at me Peeta. Now, what does your mom have anything to do with all of this?"

"Sorry. Your just so beautiful. And uh, yes. My mom. It's a long story. She talked to be about this woman, Robyn Everdeen."

"That's my mom!" I yelled.

"Yes, I know that now. She told me that Robyn, uh, your mom, got one of my moms friend addicted to drugs, when they were young. My mom's friend died later, of an overdose. My mom says that it was Robyn who always sold the drugs to her friend. And well also that.. My dad and Robyn were once having a secret affair, I mean, before you or I was even born, so that's years ago, but my mom never got trough it. She knew that Robyn lived here, and that she had a daughter, Katniss. So she told me to stay away from you, or she was going to kick me out of the house." He quietly said.

"My mom, she has never been that nice to me." he sadly and with an even lower voice.

"And, well she got Glimmer to look after me, to see that I didn't talk to you or go close to you. And then Glimmer started to threaten me and..I'm sorry Katniss."

"Oh my god, Peeta that's terrible. So my mom was a..drug..I..And you..But..I'm sorry that I said those things to you Peeta."

"What things?"

"When I was angry, and I called you an asshole, and told you to stay away from me. I said that you don't care who you hurt and that you always had everything..I'm so sorry."

"Shh. Don't. It's okay Katniss. Really." he said sweetly.

But then it hit me. He defended me today, in front of Glimmer.

"Peeta!" I yelled.

"What?"

"Is your mom going to kick you out now, that you..defended me?"

"Um, Katniss you were in my house, you know that I live alone?" he asked smiling.

"But..oh yeah..so how did your mom?"

"When you came to hug me and I..closed the door in your face..I was having a party that Glimmer insisted on having because of my new apartment. I moved out. I couldn't stand her anymore Katniss. I had some money, and I didn't want to hurt you anymore. And I'm sorry that I closed the door on you, but Glimmer was there, and I didn't want her to know that I moved out because I wanted to start to hang out with you yet. So I was really cold to you, in front of her, but after the party, I came to look for you, and tell you everything. But when I got there, you were screaming, and that man was in your house, when we got back to my apartment, you were in shock and I couldn't tell you. Then your mom went to the hospital, and you got used to your dad being there again, I figured I needed to give you some space after everything. But now your here, and I told you..and I hope that you will forgive me."

"So that's why you were always so..don't worry Peeta. I'm not angry. But why did you move out, just for me?"

"Because I like you. I really like you Katniss. And I want to get to know you better." he slowly said, getting slightly closer to me.

"I like you too Peeta.." I softly said.

And then, he leaned closer to me, so close, so slowly, his lips were so close to mine, I could move one little little bit, and our lips would touch, it was like magic, the tension, the want, his lips were now slightly touching mine, only a little bit, only brushing my lips. I was going to get my first kiss, right there.

And then he pressed his lips against mine, pulled me closer, so lose, with such a force. His tongue was asking for permission, and then we were kissing, with such a passion, my heart thumping in my ears, my cheeks flaming, I was like a girl on fire.

Oh, yes Peeta Mellark. _I am dying._

Because this kiss is killing me.


	11. Chapter 11

"What the fuck is this Peeta Mellark!"

He quickly pulled away from our kiss, and his eyes turned wide when he looked up to an angry looking woman yelling at us.

"Mom what are you doing here?" he asked swallowing loudly.

Shit.

"Get away from that slut Peeta! Right now!" She yelled.

"Don't call her that. If anyone in this room is a slut, it's y.."

"Don't you even dare, you sick brat. . .Now."

"I'm sorry, miss.." I started but she didn't let me talk.

"And YOU!" she yelled pointing at me.

"If you ever come close my son again, I swear that I will make you pay for it. I have contacts, police friends. You wouldn't want me to tell them that you are selling drugs to my son, or that you are a drug dealer, now would you?" she said with a wicked smile.

"Mom, shut the fuck up now, or I swear.." Peeta tried.

"You will what? Huh? What will you do Peeta? Who will they believe? A crazy, abusive, drug addict and not to mention drug dealer's crazy daughter or me? A respective woman, that has police friends? Who will they believe Peeta? I could even ask my friends to help me with this. Stay away from this slutty disgusting bitch, or I swear I will do it. And you, stupid girl, this is your only warning. The first and the last one, if I see you with him again, I will do it. Peeta, let's go." She ordered.

"No, I.." Peeta said.

"Now." His mother yelled.

When he was coming to give me one last hug, her mother pulled him away. Hard.

"Don't you dare touch him again you fucking bitch." she said.

Peeta didn't say anything.

And then they were walking away, leaving me stunned.

The tears were already rolling down my cheeks.

I need to get out of here.

I quickly got up and started running.

"Hey, you haven't payed yet!" A woman yelled after me.

But I just kept running out of the diner, as fast as my legs let me.

I ran and ran, until I couldn't breath anymore.

There was only one thing, that I knew that would make me feel better.

So I found a quiet place, and threw up what I ate in the diner.

"I won't give in." I said to myself.

Then I slowly walked back home, and told my dad that I was feeling sick.

"You have been gone a lot from school Katniss. Try to feel better for tomorrow okay? Get some rest." he said kindly.

I nodded and got to bed.

And here I was again.

Like yesterday.

Feeling like shit.

In my bed.

Crying.

Hungry.

My dad's wife brought me some water.

"Listen I don't know what it is you have girl. But I really am starting to get worried about you. Maybe you need some help. And err.. Maybe I have been a little bit too harsh on you. But your not okay. I can see that. And if you want.. I can talk to my friend. She has a therapist that has helped her through a lot of things.."_  
_

"No." I said.

"Okay then. Try to sleep." She was walking away when she turned around again.

"And Katniss. I'm sorry. Tomorrow will be kinder." She smiled at me and gently closed the door.

I closed my eyes, and felt them getting wet again.


	12. Chapter 12

I got up in the afternoon, and when I slowly walked to the living room, my dad and his wife were watching TV together.

"Hello Katniss." My dad said smiling at me.

"There is coffee and some cheese buns in the kitchen." Marilyn his wife said.

"Thank you." I quietly said.

I was not used to them being this nice to me. And I haven't even really forgiven my dad yet, for leaving us. As for Marilyn, I didn't even know what to think of her. She looked like a bitch, treated me like shit, and let's just say, that I don't really trust women that much. Not after my mother, and Peeta's mother. Hell, I didn't trust anyone.

"Katniss. Me and your father wanted to talk to you about something." Marilyn said.

I nodded and walked to them.

"Honey, we were thinking that if you want, to get away from this place and these people for awhile, you could go to be with your uncle Haymitch. Just for a little while, just to have some space and some time."

"I would love that." I said, and I meant it.

"Really? Then it's set. We will call Haymitch right away." Marilyn said smiling at me.

"Yeah." I coldly said.

"When, when do I leave?" I asked them.

"That's really just your call honey." my dad said.

"Next week then." I said.

"Sounds good. But maybe we could do something together before you leave? Like go out to have some fun?" Marilyn asked.

"You mean like.." I started but my dad finished my sentence for me.

"A family."

I looked at Marilyn, and then back at my dad.

"We are not a family." I coldly said.

Then I got up and walked out of the front door.

Soon I bumped into someone and when I looked up, I saw that it was Peeta's mother.

And Peeta was behind her.

And so was an old weird looking woman.

"Um, here she is. Katniss Everdeen." Peeta's mom said while she put her arms on my shoulders.

What the fuck is going on.

"Mom." Peeta warned.

"Peeta." his mother warned back.

Then his mother was smiling again.

"This here is Peeta's fiance." she said, and I could see her fake smile.

"Wow, hold on, what is going on?" I said, pulling myself away from the woman.

"Well, congratulations Peeta. I was beginning to think that you really didn't have anyone." the strange woman said.

"What?" I asked again.

"Katniss, I now that we had agreed not to tell anyone about your engagement, but Peeta's aunt is here, and she wanted to meet you." Peeta's mom was smiling at me.

"What engagement?" A voice behind me said.

I turned around to see my shocked dad, and Marilyn starring at us.

"Oh no." came Peeta's voice.

"Listen I think that I need to speak to my daughter alone for a minute." my dad said.

"I have nothing to say to you." I said coldly.

"I need to speak with Katniss." Peeta said.

"Well, it looks like everyone need to speak with Katniss." Peeta's aunt said.

"Oh, just give the two star crossed lovers a minute would you." Marilyn said.

Star crossed lovers?

What?

"Come on Katniss." Peeta said, giving me his hand.

I took it and soon we were walking together holding hands.

When we were far enough I pulled my hand away from his roughly.

"What the hell was that?" I yelled at him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think my mom would choose you, I just.."

"Choose me? For what?"

"I need to pretend that I'm getting married to my aunt. And my mom, chose you.. to pretend.."

"hell no." I said, and I was already walking away when he stopped me.

"Please Katniss? She will kick us out of the house, and take all of our money, if I don't get married!"

"But..why?" I asked.

"Because she is a bitch. She did it with my older brothers too. But they actually were engaged and they really did get married. Regardless, it's only three days, we won't really get married, it would all be an act? Please Katniss. Just three days and then she is gone."

"Fine. But it's all an act." I said coldly.

"Yes, of course." he answered.

"Good." I said.

"We should get back.." Peeta said gently.

"Yes, we should."

X

"Katniss, I don't understand what is going on." My dad was pleading for answers when we finally got home.

"I told you, he is my friend and he needs help okay? It's just for three days. Please don't say anything. And Marilyn. Please tell her to keep her mouth shut."

"Fine. I just don't understand why you are doing this."

"I don't need you to understand anything Charlie." I said before I walked to my room and slammed the door.

What I don't understand is why the fuck did Peeta's mom choose me?

Probably because she knows that it will hurt like hell to be so close to Peeta, knowing that it's just an act, knowing that we will never see each other again when her aunt leaves. How fucking cruel can you be.

I decided to push those thoughts away for today, and just look in the mirror.

I pulled my shirt over my head, and saw my body.

I was skin and bones really.

And I knew that I wasn't fat.

But I feel fat.

So it doesn't matter if I am skinny or fat.

Because I feel fat.

You could see my bones, sharply pressing through my body.

And maybe I felt like I didn't need to lose any more weight. But I couldn't gain any.

So I went down and made myself a small sandwich and green tea.

I only eat to stay alive.

I was sitting in the kitchen, drinking the rest of my tea, when Marilyn came into the kitchen.

"Oh, hello Katniss." she smiled a tired smile.

"Hi." I said with a tight voice.

"I'm glad your eating. Listen, I..Know that I will never probably gain your trust but.,.I really want you to know that I am sorry, for everything that has happened to you..I thought when you came into this house that you were a mean brat, that thought so much of yourself, but after speaking with your father, after seeing you, and hearing you..I realized that you are nothing like that. And I'm sorry. Please know that."

"I don't really trust anyone." I said quietly.

"I don't open up to people and my mom..she used to..just forget it." I said, and I was getting up to go to my room when she stopped me.

"It's okay to let it come out sometime Katniss. You can't deal with all of this alone you know. Cause It will hurt. A lot."

"Oh yeah? What do you know about pain huh?" I snapped.

"Katniss.." she started,

"No. Your perfect. Skinny, and pretty. You probably always had a happy childhood. But I'm not like you. At all. I.. hate my life. Hate everything about it. I hate every inch of myself. And I don't trust anyone. Because every person that I have loved has always left. My mom, my dad, my little sister, and now..Peet..sorry."

"My dad used to rape me when I was a little girl, and when my mother found out she didn't do anything. My dad used to hit my mother and they used to do drugs. I tried killing myself four times. I was addicted in drugs. And then I changed. Katniss, I have not had that life that you think I have. That's why I'm cold, and mean sometimes. But I do have feelings. And I know what pain is. I know how it feels when you feel like nobody cares, how it feels when you think that you will never be good enough. I know. And you can trust me. Because as much as you hate me, or as much as you hate it, I am your stepmother, and I do care about you. I will be in your life, and I wish that you could open up to me. But I know that it's hard. Okay?"

"Wow. I'm sorry." I said quietly.

"Don't be. We have both been through a lot of things Katniss. And you have been lonely too long."

And I just broke down.

And started crying like crazy.

But then I felt Marilyn's arms around me, as she held me.

She held me like I always wanted my mother to hold me.

And I cried against her shoulder like I always wanted to cry against my mothers shoulder.

And we just held each other.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"Shh. It's okay." She answered.

"Because tomorrow will be kinder. Trust me." she repeated.


End file.
